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My Life in a Nutshell (or in GIFS):

How I am with my best friends:

90% of my day:

How I feel at work everyday:

JOG ON!

How I feel when I realize my husband and I are awesome:

When people ask me when we’re having kids:
Outside I’m like:

Inside I’m like:

And then they keep talking about it and I’m like:
Outside:

Inside:

When people start telling me things about their personal life that I don’t want to know:

When everyone around me is being an A-face:

When people start talking about having kids and everyone looks at me:

How I answer every question:

My unamused/not-actually-shocked look:

How I feel when someone moves/touches/takes something on my desk:

How I feel when people use incorrect grammar:

When people keep talking about things they know nothing about:

How I feel when I realize someone has commented on way too many Facebook posts:

How I dance:

To sum me up:

I’d apologize for all the GIFS, but I really don’t care….

BMS-

(Note: I claim no credit for any of these, they are all from various interweb sources/ tumblrs)

Hey everybody, so, it’s been 5 years since I graduated, so this is a tribute to my senior class and the 5 years that have gone by. It’s only been 5 years. But really, 5 years feels like a long time…

Five years ago, I was 18 and still (just barely) a senior in high school. I still lived with my parents. Most of my favorite TV shows were still on the air. I was a bit more into pop and hip-hop music (Glamorous or Ride Wit Me anyone?). For the most part I had a different group of friends than I have now. I was going to go to college in Buffalo to become a CPA. I had a boyfriend. I had a job at a local hardware store. I spent most nights with my boyfriend.  I stayed out til 1am. I went to Denny’s and Arnold park with Tyler & Kate at midnight. Prom was a recent memory and graduation was the immediate future.

Today, I’m 23 and both a high school and college graduate. I’m a homeowner. Most of my favorite TV shows have ended. I prefer alternative music most days. I have a mostly different group of friends. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Nutrition from SUNY Oneonta. The boy I was dating is my husband. I spend every night with him. I hardly ever stay up til 1am. Instead of Denny’s and Arnold Park, it’s grilling and walking up to the top of our property and it’s usually with Tyler, Chris, Mel, and Monica. Prom and graduation are distant, yet still very poignant, memories. The more immediate future revolves around jobs, housework, and eventually kids.

For those who have graduated 10, 15, 20, or 25 years ago, 5 years doesn’t seem life much. However, for me, it’s about the story that has been transcribed over the past 5 years.

In the months and years following my graduation from high school this is what I’ve done:

Had my first serious medical procedure. Lost my grandfather. Decided not to got to Buffalo. Or become a CPA. Went to BCC & Oneonta instead– for nutrition. Got engaged. Moved in the my fiance. Survived driving 3 hours in a giant snow storm. Gained confidence. Experienced family fights in a new way. Got married. Learned (& keep learning) how to be in a relationship. Switched jobs. Went through life-changing family things. Became an Aunt. Became a Godmother. Learned new things about myself and became a stronger person. Had friendships, that I never thought would, become so much stronger. And had friendships, that I never thought would, fail. Learned what it means to truly be a role model. Learned how to be a better friend. Adopted a cat. Learned not to care what other people think. Worked hard in school. Graduated, and watched my husband graduate from college.  Held a wedding ceremony.  Got, and watched my husband get, a professional job. Moved back to the Southern Tier. Adopted a second cat. Bought a house. Became an Aunt again. And so. much. more…….

So much has happened in five years, sometimes it feels incredibly quick and other times it feels unbelievably long.  It’s weird, because those 4 years of college feel more distant than my senior year did. Sometimes 06-07 still feels like yesterday, and I think it’s because of how I lived my life then. In college, I found myself tired and frustrated on a regular basis. It was about getting from one day to the next. Now, it’s different. I cherish every moment and make beautiful memories that will last a lifetime, much like I did in my senior year. That’s probably why I miss it so much. That doesn’t mean that I want to just go back there. Sometimes, I’d like to go there, just for an hour– to Kate’s car on senior lunch, blaring Glamorous –to escape, because life was simpler back then. Less responsibility, jobs that were less important, no houses, babies, or big responsibilities. Not because I don’t love everything I have now– I do, but just because it would be nice for things to be so easy again… just for a few minutes. I’m happy with my life now, I was happy then too, just in different ways.

So, here’s to the class of 2007, wherever you may be from, but especially to my OFA Indians. Our lives have changed and grown so much and they’ll continue to, but we’ll always share those beautiful memories (The Great Bouncy Ball prank, O-Zone, making the Spartans sign say ‘OFA ’07’. Ride Wit Me being our unofficial prom song, and so much more…). Here’s to the next five years and all the breathtaking, heartbreaking, life changing, and amazingly beautiful moments they will undoubtedly bring. Cheers…

And, here’s to the class of 2012, before you know it, you’ll be looking back at the last 5 years… so enjoy every moment!

“It’s times like these you learn to live again. It’s times like these you give and give again. It’s times life these you learn to love again. It’s times like these, time and time again.” -Foo Fighters

BMS-

Once an Indian, always an Indian…

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”– Henry David Thoreau

This is the quote at the end of my yearbook from senior year.

This Saturday marks 5 years since the class of ’07 graduated.

Expect nostalgia this week.

That is all….

BMS-

Evening all!

After this evening I have a few thoughts to share with you.

The people we meet and have in our lives are certainly an interesting mix. We have people who push us and challenge us and force us– in good ways. We also have people who hurt us, tear us down, break our hearts, stab us in the back, or who are just mean to us. Sometimes those are people we can cut out and unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t. The greatest thing, though? We have people who support us, help us, build us up, treat us kindly, cherish us, love us, smile with us, cry with us, and laugh hysterically with us. Those are the ones who matter.

See, in life we’ll cross all those people, for good or bad, for short or long-term. It’s taken me a long time to realize that the people who are bad to us, who bring us down, they aren’t the ones that matter. Even if they’re someone who should be better than that. Even if they’re someone we care about, who we want to be better for us. At the end of the day, what they say and what they do might break us for the moment, but they can’t just break who we are. Waiting after all those people, are the ones who love us.  So, I don’t really feel angry at them anymore. I kind of pity those people… because if all they have in life is trying to be mean to others… then, what do they really have? If that’s all that matters to them? I realized that all those hurtful things people say can’t take away my life. They can’t take away my husband, or the house we worked so hard to buy and make our own, the people who love me, my cats, my writing, my Wednesday night grilling, or laughing hysterically with my best friends at some random and extremely cheesy movie.

So, while I’ll never be rid of the stupidity, the pettiness, the drama, or the just plain mean people out there; at the end of the day I’ll come home to better things. I’ll let the rest of it roll off my back. No amount of other stuff can take those amazing things in life away from me. I truly do have a good life. I love it. I love having bonfires with my closest friends, talking and laughing with my mother in law, watching my niece laugh, writing an amazing scene… none of the greatness in my life can be taken away. I won’t let it. Think about all the good things in life, next time someone decides to be a jackass. 😛

“We’re young enough to say, oh this has gotta be the good life…”

BMS-

Alrighty, I know I said I wasn’t going to post one of these today, but I’m feeling it, so here we go. I’m about to quote OTH, but it’ll be good for even you non-fans, so stick with me.

“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly, without you really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday, and this is your life.”– Nathan Scott

Are you where you thought you’d be right now? What were your plans for your future? What did you dream 5, 10, or 15 years ago? Have you achieved those dreams? Did you ever really believe in them from the start? Why did you dream them? Was it because you loved those things? We put so much value in life on what our dreams are versus what our job is. There’s some sort of weird idea that following your heart & dreams means giving up on anything in life to have them. Isn’t that kinda stupid? You might have a dream when you’re 17, but as you grow up, that dream might morph into something different. So, why hold on so tightly to that initial dream that you’d be willing to give up on amazing things? Some people’s dreams are super practical… be a doctor or lawyer, what have you. Some people’s dreams are to be an artist or a writer, and that isn’t always so practical (I know a little something about it). Why is that bad? It’s OKAY to have impractical dreams… as long as you have some practical ones too.

Have you ever met someone who thinks they’re so much better than everyone else because they aren’t caught up in capitalism and money and are suffering for “their art”? I hate those people. But, I also hate the people who just become their job, they become soul-less automatons who are nothing without going to the office everyday. What happened to passion? There’s a weird belief that if you have a dream, that isn’t what you do for a living, that you’re sacrificing your dream. But there’s also a weird belief that you have to sacrifice everything for your dream. That it has to be your job. Isn’t that kind of silly? And then, if you don’t give your soul to the job you’re in, then you must not care about it. Poor dreams, there’s just no winning for them is there?

Actually, there is. Because doing what you love… that’s the dream. It doesn’t matter when or where or why. It’s not about a job. A job does not define you. What you love defines you. Remind yourself of that and focus on it. We’d all be a lot happier if we did. My job is nutrition. I love nutrition, but my job is just a job. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m satisfied with it and I’m committed to it. I do a good job and I don’t half-ass things. Ever. But, without that job, I’m still me. It doesn’t define me. I won’t let it.  What I love defines me. I love to have friends over and laugh hysterically at really strange and stupid things. I love drinking tea on Sunday mornings.  I love when I get to see my niece or nephew or Godson smile. I love to just sit with my husband and relax. I love to have bonfires in the summer, watch the leaves change in the fall, wait anxiously for the first snow, and marvel at the changes in the spring. I love writing. When I start listing all those things, what my job is and what my dreams were don’t really matter. It doesn’t matter what my job is for the rest of my life, I’ll be fine.  As long as I can keep writing  on the side, keep enjoying my friends, keep laughing, and watch my family grow together, then I’ll be happy. Even if I never achieve my dream of being a screenwriter, I’ll be happy. Because, guess what, I have other dreams too. I want to be happy. I want to laugh ridiculously hard on a regular basis. I want to have beautiful children and raise them into amazing people. And, I’ve already achieved the dreams of falling in love, getting married, and buying a house. All practical dreams, and just as real as being a screenwriter. Or just a writer.

So, where am I going with all this? I want to remind everyone to remember what their dreams were. And then to remember why they were your dreams. Because you loved them. If you aren’t doing those things, don’t fret. You still can.  At the end of the day, a job doesn’t matter, neither does an old dream.  What matters is what you love, and more importantly, doing what you love, as often as you can. It doesn’t have to be for money or for any reason, except that you love it. Because by doing what you love, you’re already achieving your dreams. I was reminded of this recently, because I started focusing on writing with all these goals, just to try and achieve my dreams. And I failed. And I wasn’t enjoying it. So, I went back to the beginning. I started writing again, just to write. Because I didn’t start writing because it was my dream. I started writing because I loved it. Then I made it my dream. Take some time to remember what you love to do, whether it’s new or old, because it’s what makes you, “you.” Reconnect with yourself. Learn who you are and how to be happy for yourself. I promise, if you do something you love, you will be happier.

So, now, I’m just writing. Not because I have to, not because of a dream, but because I love it. I encourage all of you to do the same. Find your passion and do it, as a hobby, as a second job, or hey– if you’re lucky enough to be a practical dreamer– as your actual job. Whatever you do, just enjoy life. Our time here is far too short not to.

I’ll leave you all with this:
“Find something that makes you happy– do it. Because everything else, it’s all just background noise.” -24 (Xander Berkley as George Mason).

BMS-

While I know this is a few weeks late, I figure better late than never.  This post isn’t about the end of a TV show; no, it’s about so much more. It’s about saying goodbye to a show I grew up with, one that helped me through difficult times, that made me feel less alone, and that let me escape my own world for an hour or so each week. One Tree Hill, this is for you.

Some people might not relate to OTH as I have. And I’ll admit there were times when it get over-the-top and borderline silly, but when you look to the core of this show, it’s extremely relatable. At it’s center, it’s a show about a group of teens growing up together in a small town in North Carolina. It started in my freshmen year of high school, so I grew up with them, and graduated with them. As season five began I experienced growing into an adult and incredibly life-changing things with them. And in the final season, just shortly before it ended, my husband and I bought our first house.

While some grew up to Harry Potter or Dawson’s Creek, or 7th Heaven, I grew up to One Tree Hill. And, isn’t that what makes it so hard to say goodbye? That we aren’t just saying goodbye to characters we loved for nearly 10 years, we’re saying goodbye to our own pasts and realizing we’ve grown up. The fact is there is one poignant line in the episode that says it all. “It’s the oldest story in the world. One day, you’re seventeen and planning for someday. And then quietly without you really noticing, someday is today, and then someday is yesterday. And this is your life. ” – Nathan Scott.

There’ve been a myriad of recaps of this episode, so I’m going to hit on the points of it that I found most important, and the things that came full circle. Last night I watched the first episode of the series, so I noticed even more moments than I originally had.

-Brooke and Julian: While their story ending wasn’t as epic as Clay & Quinn’s (getting married! getting custody of Logan!), it was a full circle moment for Brooke. She is able to return to Peyton’s bedroom, where she grew up and she also is reliving her younger years as Ravens begins filming as a TV show. But the best moment was when Julian surprised her with her old house. Seriously, this guy wins husband of the year. Brooke finally gives the house the family it deserves. Her parent’s finally give her the love she deserves. And, most importantly, Brooke gets the happy ending she deserves. In my opinion, of all the characters, Brooke grew the most.

-Nathan & Haley (Naley <3) I think they are my favorite part of this show. Their love is something I still find adorable and Mark Schwahn did great at bringing it full circle. When they’re sitting together having dinner, it was reminiscent to me of their first “date” together, and also the blackout episode in season 3. And when Nathan gave her the (very pretty) bracelet and said “Don’t say I never gave you anything,” I was full on bawling my eyes out. Of course they went for one last run (and sexy time) in the rain. I truly felt the love between those two as strongly as I did in the first season.

-Overall: For the last 20 minutes of the episode (essentially the time when Gavin Degraw started playing Belief) I was absolutely bawling. This show received such a fitting end, that left me smiling and crying (happily). Watching Nathan share a moment with Jamie– one he always longed for with his own father– was beautiful. Seeing Haley pass on the special box to Jamie brought me back to the first episode, with Lucas and Haley hanging out at the mini-golf course on the roof. And then there was the flash-forward epilogue-y ending. The moment of Nathan calling Haley so they wouldn’t be late was JUST like the moment when Keith called to Karen for Lucas’ first game with the Ravens. The use of Gavin Degraw was also fantastic. As they all stood in TRIC belting out “I Don’t Wanna Be,” my heart melted; it also returned to all of the beautiful moments in this series. But the thing that got me most of all was the quotes. Especially bringing back “There is a tide in the affairs of men…” and “Make a wish and keep it in your heart...” those had me crying more than anything else, because it reminded me of what this show is and always was. A little show that could. A little show that did. A show that changed my life and inspired me to write. Mark Schwahn has always been great at making the little things the big things (Haley reading Julius Caesar in the Cafe), and the finale was no exception.

In closing, I’d like to revise a statement I’d made about 8 months ago, that there had been no hour-long series with a good ending. Well here it is. One Tree Hill made a fitting end that brought it’s characters, fans, and everything essential to the show (music, quotes, places) full circle. But then, I never had a doubt, since seasons 4, 6, and 8, all had endings that could have served as series endings, and all were perfect and full circle. Mark Schwahn created a beautiful show, and ended it just as beautifully.

It will be tough to say goodbye, to those characters, and to who I was. That’s why the end hurt so much. Because I realized that “someday” was true for myself. That I’d grown up, and someday is now. OTH’s end comes in a bittersweet way. The end of an era. Memories of my past, hopes for my future, my new someday, and my story’s epilogue. But then I’ll always have the memories, and I’ll always have the show to come back to when I want to relive those emotions and those character’s stories. Here’s to the end of a show that taught people to believe in something– anything. In themselves, in literature, art, music, love, God. Here’s to you One Tree Hill, thank you for helping me, inspiring me, for reminding me I’m not alone… and I never was.

So what now? Well, now I start all over again. Season One. It’s time to relive the character’s stories, my stories, and to remember why I write. To remember the reason why I keep writing and keep believing in this pipe dream of mine…
“There’s a tide in the affairs of men…”

-“I’ll being seeing ya.”
BMS-

Those words have scarcely been used to describe events throughout the history of our country; of our world. The last formidable event before 9/11 that truly required those words was (in my own opinion) the devastation that occurred at Pearl Harbor. The United States had not seen such devastation as it saw on 9/11 in nearly six decades. Six decades since someone had maliciously attacked our country on such a powerful level. People don’t forget where they were. They remember the exact moment. What they saw. What they heard. Many schools banned teachers from showing video footage. They did it anyway. They wanted to show the truth, to help students to understand, to show how the world was changing directly before their eyes.  And it was changing. Not just in the USA but all over the world. Not just in the lives of those who lost a family member or friend; but in the lives of those who were persecuted and despised from then on. Fear took hold in many people. Anger took hold in others. And sadness reached far and wide. Through varying emotions in every corner of our country, this tragedy, this deliberate end of so many lives brought us together in an unspeakable way. The bond of knowing that we were all in this together unified our country. And it’s in those moments that political parties, religious beliefs, and personal choices can’t and don’t matter because every single person was shaken and bruised to the very core. Our country was bruised to it’s very core. And the world as we knew it, changed forever.

7th grade home-ec. That’s where I was sitting. I’ll never forget that day. I didn’t fully understand at first. It’s hard to comprehend that something so big and terrifying could happen. Schools closed early and sent us home to our parents to explain in depth what had happened. I didn’t sleep well that night. I would doubt that anyone did. We all worried it wasn’t over. We prayed for every soul effected. We hoped for swift retaliation. It didn’t come as swiftly as we’d imagined.

10 years later. Nearly 10 years, until the man behind the attacks was dead. For some it brought peace, for others it didn’t bring the closure they’d expected. At first I was happy and then I felt rather numb about it. Until today. Today my emotions have been far stronger than any time in the last 10 years. Possibly because I understand it all better now. Today it all felt fresh. And even though bin Laden is gone, the wounds are not healed.  His death guaranteed no safety for us. As we progress throughout the day, my heart is on high alert, still slightly afraid that another attack may come on a day of mass mourning around our country. It’s definitely still fresh.

This was the first anniversary that I went back and watched the footage and I had chills watching it. I felt nauseous as I watched footage of the towers collapsing, and I understand now, why on every other anniversary I have avoided watching footage of this horrible day. It’s too difficult. It still has a profound emotional and physical effect on me. And it all compounds on to the emotions I already have due to devastation in our own area from flooding. Something that once again brings a group of people together, who share a similar pain; and a desire for things to be better.

As a country we did our best to come together and make it through. Unfortunately fear lead us to persecute those of differing religions, especially Muslims or those of middle eastern descent. I’d like to believe that in 10 years, we’ve gotten better, but I truly question whether or not we have. Some blogs today have been about throwing around blame. Do you live in America? It’s not the day for that. It’s never a day for that. In order to bring change, to make a difference, we have to band together. We must band together. Today we must remember our similarities, forget our differences, and come together to remember the heroes, mourn the lost, and continue to rebuild together.

“Because I’m proud to be an American WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I’M FREE. And I WON’T FORGET the men who died, who gave that right to me. And I’ll gladly STAND UP NEXT TO YOU, and defend her still today. Cause their ain’t no doubt, I LOVE THIS LAND. GOD BLESS THE USA!”

-Love and God Bless,

BMS-

I’m gonna jump right in here and just say it: job hunting sucks. The feeling you get when you get a call for and interview, well there’s nothing like it. And the feeling you get when they tell you that you didn’t get the job, well there’s nothing like that either. I went on my third and fourth job interviews today and left one feeling utterly confused because they only asked me two questions, and the other feeling nervous because I desperately want that job. Now here I am, sick of this transitional phase of my life and ready to move on and be settled. Hell, I wouldn’t have gotten marred at 20 if I wasn’t a little accelerated in adult life. Yeah, I know that sentence sounded weird. I keep telling myself Que Sera Sera but it’s so not working.

Of course my dream job is actually to be a writer. A script writer. I have written scripts for three TV shows (one which has many episodes written out thus far), but I am horrified at the idea of sending them to an agency for two main reasons. 1.) I don’t want my dream to die. Sometimes it’s easier to imagine it then to go for it and lose. 2). I want to do more than just write, I created these characters and these stories and I am committed to them. I love them. I don’t want to see someone else take them on their journey. That in itself is scary. So I suppose you could say my real dream job is to be part of a production company.

Dream job= scary. Job hunting=sucks. But you won’t get 100% of the things you don’t try for. With that, perhaps the next cover letter I send will be to an agency rather than a hospital…

~BMS~

February 2017
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